Archive for August, 2010

Bike Chimp reflects on the death of Laurent Fignon.


Cycling in the rain is like being sodomised by a silverback gorilla. Both are unpleasant, but not as bad as you first think. Take the unwanted amorous advances of a 30-stone primate. A gorilla actually has a very small penis. I know this because Stephen Fry said so on QI. Cycling in the rain could […]

Mark Cavendish considers a sex change to improve his chances in the World Chmpionships.

Bike Chimp heads to the lab for a ramp test.

Following the news that the World Anti-Doping Agency may reintroduce its ban on the use of caffeine in sports, Bike Chimp has threatened to retire from competitive cycling. The time-trial specialist, whose career highlights include finishing 101st in the 2007 National 10, reacted angrily to the news. “How the hell am I supposed to get […]

Bike Chimp names five TV shows that could have been all about cycling. But aren’t.

Please be sympathetic to Bike Chimps loss.